Regret
by Tyrus2.0
Summary: T.J. regrets not telling Cyrus how he felt all those years ago in middle school. Now, with T.J.'s girlfriend Cerina and Cyrus' girlfriend Iris in the way, it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - The GHC is aged up to 17, and are seniors in this fic. Also, it's pronounced Care-in-uh. You'll see.**

 _Boom! Clap! Sound of my heart. The beat goes on and on and on and…_

"T.J! Turn it down!" my older sister, Amber, screamed from the room directly below me. Rolling my eyes I complied.

Boom, Clap, by Charli XCX was song #14 of 128 on my playlist, C.C.C.M. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin. In short, songs that make me think of Cyrus.

 _Cyrus._ Involuntarily, the corners of my mouth twitched up as I thought of him. The sound of his laughter, the way his face lights up everyday when I give him that chocolate chocolate chip muffin, the determined look he gets in his eyes when he tries something he can't do, and the pure euphoria written across his face when he does it.

But I can't have that. Because I was so fucking stupid. I buried my head in my hands and let out a choked sob. I allowed myself to drift back to that night in eighth grade. The night when everything was almost perfect...

" _Cyrus! Cyrus! Guess what!" I had sprinted all the way to the swings, eager to share my news._

" _Not-so-scary-basketball-guy! What's going on?" He had that smile on his face. That goddamn smile that makes my knees go weak and my stomach twist._

 _Shaking myself out of it, I turned the paper pressed against my stomach around, eager for him to see it. "I got a perfect score! I got a perfect score on a math test!"_

" _T.J.! That's amazing! Holy shit! I am so happy for you!" Next thing I knew, he had flung his arms around me and we were hugging. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't think straight. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around him, and closed my eyes. It was perfect. We pulled apart after much longer then was normal for a platonic hug._

 _We made eye contact. Next thing I knew, we were gravitating towards each other, getting closer and closer, and for a moment I thought we might kiss._

 _But only for a moment._

 _Because what happened next ruined everything._

 _Just as we were about to kiss, I heard my name._

" _Tyler? Tyler Kippen?"_

 _I drew in a breath and turned around. There was only one person in the world who would call me Tyler. My ex-girlfriend._

" _Cerina!" I said, deeply disappointed that she had chosen that moment. "Call me T.J. Everyone does now."_

 _She nodded. "Cool, Tyler. Anyway, I was just going to go get milkshakes. You wanna come?"_

"Hell, no," _I thought. "_ I want to stay here with Cyrus." _But what I actually said was "Sure, Rina. Let's go!"_

 _And I didn't even look back as I left._

At that precise moment, my phone buzzed.

 _One new message from Toxic Girlfriend,_ the screen read. I clicked on the notification.

Hey, Babe. I'm home alone 2nite. C U there?

 _No,_ I wanted to scream. _No, I don't want to spend another night reciting every math fact, trick, or formula Cyrus has taught me while I fuck you and pretend I'm enjoying it as much as you obviously are._

But I'm still just as weak as I was in eighth grade.

I'm there.

My finger hovered over send for a second as I considered the other options. What if i texted back no? And then I asked out Cyrus? I liked that option a whole lot better.

I was just about to change the message, and then I remembered. Iris. Cyrus' _girlfriend._ He had fucking moved on. If he had ever liked me at all. Without allowing myself any more second thoughts I slammed the send button before burying my head in the pillow and letting the tears come.

* * *

I rang Cerina's doorbell, gripping the hem of my t-shirt, trying fruitlessly to control their shaking. The door opened to reveal an empty hallway. I knew what she was doing. She was behind the door. I stepped into the house and the door slammed behind me. Cerina stood there, her long brown waves cascading over her shoulders, a wild look in her.

Her shorts were ripped denim, cut high, and hid nothing. A hot pink lace bra hid the top half of her body. I knew what was going to happen. I knew I didn't want it to. I also knew I didn't really have a choice.

Cerina pulled me in and kissed me desperately. And it only went downhill from there.

* * *

Stealth was key. Amber's bedroom was the only one on the ground floor. The only one I could sneak in through. I cautiously pulled back the glass and lifted one leg through the window. But I screwed up on the second leg.I stumbled and fell onto her floor, knocking over her desk chair.

My sister sat bolt upright. I lunged off of my throbbing leg and covered her mouth as she opened it to scream.

"Amber, it's me. T.J. Your brother." I hissed, feeling her body relax with relief.

"Mph-mfff-muphmn!"

"Oh, right." I removed my hand from her mouth and sat down in her desk chair.

"It's-" she leaned forward to check the time on her nightstand clock- "2:30 am! Why are you in my room at 2:30 in the morning?"

"I was at Cerina's." I tried to say it nonchalantly, like I hadn't been counting down seconds until I could get out of that awful place.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"You bedroom is the only one on the ground floor. I always sneak in through your window when I'm at Cerina's late."

Amber leaned forward and made eye contact with me. "Tyler Jack Kippen. Look at me."

I complied.

She took my hands. "You need to break up with her."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the glaring truth to her words. "Not this ag-"

"T.J.! I'm serious. We both know you don't like her. You don't care about her. You're not even interested in her as a friend, much less a girlfriend. T.J.-" Here she hesitated, taking a deep breath. I knew what she was going to say, and it infuriated me.

I yanked my hands out of hers. "Stop that! Stop saying it's not too late with Cyrus! It is! It is too fucking late to fix things. Cyrus is over me, if he ever liked me at all! I screwed everything up, and gave up our one chance! So stop, alright? Just stop giving me that stupid false hope!"

My voice cracked on the last word, and I wiped angrily at hot tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I finally looked at Amber again, and saw that the pain in her eyes mirrored my own. I spun on my heel and bounded up to my room, collapsing on the bed and allowing the tears to come.


	2. Chapter 2

" _Legs go up, legs go down. That's how we make the swing go round. Drag your feet, you go slow. The more you drag, the less you go."_ I sang softly, to the tune of my pumping feet. It had been just over two weeks since Amber had caught me sneaking into her room. True to her word, she hadn't told mom and dad. But they were too wrapped up in hating each other to care. Her words kept running through my mind.

 _You need to break up with her...We both know you don't like her. You don't care about her. You're not even interested in her as a friend, much less a girlfriend...You need to break up with her...We both know you don't like her. You don't care about her. You're not even interested in her as a friend, much less a girlfriend..._

I heard a gentle laugh behind me. One that instantly sent butterflies fluttering around my stomach. _Cyrus._

"Cute song. What do you sing when you're on the slide?"

" _We go down. We say yay. We don't climb up. That's the wrong way."_

"Huh. Did not expect you to have a song for that." Cyrus dropped his serious face and laughed. So did I.

"So, why are you singing our song?" Cyrus asked, eyebrows raised quizzically.

 _Our song. Cyrus and I have a song._ An indescribable happiness began to bubble up inside of me, until I squished it down. _No, you don't. Because of Cerina. And Iris. And you._

"T.J.? Are you okay?"

I forced my face into a smile. "Of course, Underdog. Why wouldn't I be?"

Cyrus didn't quite look convinced, but he dropped it. "Why are you here?"

"Just… struggling with math."

"Do you want me to help?"

 _Of course,_ I thought. _Of course I want to do anything that involves you._

"Nah, Amber's been helping me."

"Oh. that's cool."

A brief silence ensued, cut by my phone buzzing.

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** Mom and dad r working L8…

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** Bro sleepover…

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** House 2 myself…

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** 10 good?

It was funny, how every time in my mind, I went on a long rant about how I was gay, and how I didn't want to be with her, and how she was essentially raping me, but I never said any of it.

 **Tyler JK:** yes

 _Send._

* * *

I glanced over at Cerina. Not that it took much work, I just had to turn my head and lift it up slightly. Her breathing was deep and even. She was asleep. Carefully and gently, I slid my way off the bed, not wanting to wake her.

A good 10 minutes later, I was able to slip on my shirt and shoes, before making a mad sprint to the door. I ran all the way home, climbing that rope ladder I had been too scared to invest in previously. But after that conversation I had with Amber, climbing in the the balcony behind my bedroom didn't seem too bad.

I sank onto my bed, breathing hard, and cried until my throat was raw, my eyes swollen, and the rest of me asleep.

* * *

"Great job, Kate!" I high-fived a little girl as she jumped off of the beam. I turned to my left and noticed a little boy struggling to do a somersault. I instantly thought of Cyrus. Cyrus. The look on his face when he had finally been able to do a somersault. And how proud he had been when I got a perfect score on a math test.

And then Cerina came along. I had crumbled since then. Back to my elementary school grades. Where I didn't even know my multiplication tables. Buffy had finally given up tutoring me. At least she was happy with that Marty guy who pretends he had 4 classes with me in middle school.

* * *

I was in a mad sprint down the hallway. Chocolate chocolate chip muffins always ran short on Friday. Ever since the first real conversation Cyrus and I had on the swings, I had gotten in line to get him one every day. At one point, Buffy had pointed out that it would be so much easier just to cut the line. To which I replied that my cutting had broken Cyrus' heart, and that I just wanted to be fair.

That was when she realized I liked Cyrus. As more than a friend. When she realized that I wanted to date Cyrus, to kiss him, to do all those things that normal couples do. Between her and Amber, I could never get a break from the constant nagging about Cyrus. I wondered if Amber and Buffy nagged Cyrus about me.

I shook my head at my ridiculousness. Cyrus was straight. He has a girlfriend. _You have a girlfriend, too,_ a voice nagged in the back of my mind. _And you're gay._

The lady handed me my muffin. I murmured a thank you, and walked over to where the good hair crew sat, Marty with his arm around Buffy, Jonah with his arm around Andi, and Cyrus with his arm around Iris. Just the sight of them, laughing together, made my stomach clench.

 _Don't be a hypocrite,_ I chastised myself. _You're going to have your arm around Cerina any second._

Right on cue, Cerina appeared. "Hey, babe." Her voice was flirty and mischievous, and her eyes held a wild look. I forced a smile and a polite nod. She grabbed my hand as we sat down next to Cyrus and Iris, and across from Buffy and Marty.

Buffy gave me a disapproving glare, and I shot one right back.

"Here's your muffin!" I gave Cyrus the chocolate heaven and watched his face light up. God, he was adorable when he smiled. _No. Stop,_ I told myself. _You made your choice. It's too late to change it._

"So, what's everyone doing this weekend?" Andi asks.

"Well, I-" I began, but Andi cut me off.

"No, you're not! I'm having a sleepover for my eighteenth birthday, and you'll all be there!"

Cerina's voice dripped with false guilt and sincerity. "I'd love to, but Tyler is taking me to Vegas for the weekend."

I turned my head to look at her. "No I'm not. That's next weekend.." I turned to Andi and smiled. "I'm there."

Cerina's eyes flashed murder, and I knew that later, I would pay. But in that moment, I shrugged it off and ate my sandwich.

I should have worried more.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N-Sorry this is so short, just found a good stopping point pretty quickly.**

"Alright, Buffy, your dare is-"

"Wait, you didn't even ask me!" Buffy protested.

"But you always pick dare!'

"Sometimes people pick different things."

Andi rolled her eyes. "Fine, truth or dare, Buffy?"

"Dare."

Andi threw up her hands in exasperation and the rest of us all doubled over laughing.

After we had all regained composure, Andi removed a blue jolly rancher from her mouth and rubbed it into her bedroom carpet and handed it to Buffy. "Eat it."

"Ew, no! And besides, CeCe is going to freak out about the carpet."

At that, Andi's eyes went wide as she realized we were at her grandparents' house rather than her parents' and younger sister Grace's.

Marty cut in. "Stop stalling, 11.3." Marty spat out the last part like it was poison, and Buffy smiled ear-to-ear. I will never understand those two.

Buffy sighed, lifted the candy to her mouth, and popped it in with a shudder. An eruption of cheers followed.

"My turn! My turn!" Cerina announced.

She turned to me. "Tyler. Truth or Dare?"

"Hmmm… truth." I always picked dare, and wanted to do something different.

Cerina grinned ear-to-ear. I had given her exactly what she wanted. And that was never a good thing. "Do you like Cyrus?"

"Of course, he's a great friend," I say, without missing a beat, hoping my fear is not visible, and my racing heart inaudible.

Cerina laughed coldly. "Tyler. We both know that's not what I meant. Do you _like_ him. And not just as a friend."

I froze. I glanced over at Cyrus, who looked just as afraid as me. I didn't know what else to do, so I ran. Out of the room. Out of the house. Out of the neighborhood. All the way back to bedroom, tears pouring down my face the whole way.


	4. Chapter 4

Almost as soon as my head hits the pillow, my bedroom door is flung open. I don't bother to lift my head, knowing who it is.

"Leave me alone, Amber."

"No, T.J. Not until you tell me why you're here and not at Andi's birthday sleepover."

"One word. Cerina."

"What did she do to you?"

 _The same thing that you've been doing. The same thing you've been trying to get me to admit._ "She asked me about my crush."

Amber's voice drips with sarcasm. "I thought you didn't have a crush."

"I do, Amber, and you know it, dang it."

"On Cyrus?"

I rolled my eyes at the stupidity of her question. "No, on Buffy." I rolled over to face her. "Of course on Cyrus!"

She raised her hands in surrender. "Just checking." She sat down on the edge of my bed. "So, she asked you about it, in front of him."

I nodded silently.

"And… what did you say?"

"I professed my deep and undying love to Cyrus and kissed him on the lips, and Iris and Cerina stood by and clapped with tears of joy for us," I said bitterly. "What do you think happened? I ran out of there."

Amber opened her mouth to say something, but she was cut off by the sound of my phone buzzing. I reached for it.

 **1 New Message from Toxic Girlfriend.**

I looked at Amber with panic dancing in my eyes. "It's from Cerina!"

"Read it!"

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** _ **What is wrong with u?**_

 **Toxic Girlfriend:** _ **Simple. Do. u. Like. him.**_

I flung my phone across the room. It hit the wall and cracked satisfyingly.

"Why? Why does she keep doing this? Why is she so horrible to me all the time? Why can't she accept that I've moved on!" My voice got louder with every syllable until I was screaming.

Amber's eyes are wide and concerned.

Suddenly, I feel bad. When I speak again, it is barely a whisper. "Just… Leave me alone."

Amber opens her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. "Please." She complies.

I pick up my ipod and scroll through my playlists to C.C.C.M. I hit shuffle and close my eyes as My Immortal, by Evanescence begins.

 _When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_

Cyrus crying on the swings. I had hugged him.

 _When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears._

Helping Cyrus through the list of things he was afraid to do.

 _I've held your hand through all of these years._

All the times I'd held him when he was afraid.

 _But you still have all of me_

He did. He would always have all of me.

I buried my head in my pillow, sobbing with pure heartbreak.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning with a stomachache. I thought about last night, and I allowed myself to feel bad. Being humiliated, being prodded and poked into admitting things I wasn't ready to admit, things I would never be ready to admit, it was just all too much for me. My stomach growled, and I rolled over to check the clock. 12:04, it read in big, bold red letters. I sat bolt upright. I was supposed to be at work at 12:15. I was almost late.

I flung off the covers and jammed my feet into gym shoes. Deciding I didn't have time for contacts or hair gel, I slammed my glasses on my face and sprinted out of the apartment. I started the car and drove like a madman.

* * *

I flung open the door to the gym right as the clock struck 12:15. Breathing hard, I hurried to the balance beam, where Kate was eager to practice her duck walk. She went across the beam four times in silence, allowing me to stay preoccupied in my self-pitying thoughts.

"Mr. T.J.?"

"Yes?" I forced my face into a smile.

"Why are you wearing pajamas?"

I looked down at myself, realizing that I was still wearing the gray sweatpants and white V-necked t-shirt I had slept in. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had run from Andi's to my apartment in these pajamas. I had run all the way across Shadyside crying at 11 pm, wearing pajamas.

"Mr. T.J.?" Kate insisted.

"Um, I had an interesting night last night." I said, distractedly running a hand through my hair. I walked over to the mini-fridge, removed a bottle of water, and took a drink.

She nodded. "Is it about your boyfriend?"

I choked on the sip of water I had taken. _How could she know that- think that, Cyrus isn't your boyfriend, T.J.- she's only eight!_ I decided to play dumb.

"What boyfriend?" I coughed again, and spit up a bit of water, forcing Kate to jump back in disgust. When I had recovered from my coughing fit, she spoke again.

"That guy!"

I kept a confused look on my face, just to be safe.

"You know, the one who's always bringing you little tater tots. He calls you Teej, and you call him Underdog and Muffin. You're so cute together. Aren't you gay?"

"How do you know what that word means?" I asked, stalling for time.

"I have two moms. I'm adopted. Are you?"

"I have a girlfriend-Cerina."

"That mean girl?"

I laugh tiredly. "Yeah."

"What about Cyrus? He obviously likes you."

"He's straight. And he has a girlfriend."

"You're blind. He is SO gay."

I was at a loss for words.

"Not-so-scary-basketball-guy!" I turned to see a smiling Cyrus, cheeseburger in hand.

I felt a smile creep onto my face. "Heyyyy, underdog!"

Kate's eyebrows shot up. "Shut up," I hissed.

"You okay, T.J.?"

 _Of course, I'm not, Underdog. Cerina humiliated me, just like she's been doing for years. She made me run away from what was supposed to be a fun, friendly sleepover for our friend's birthday. And then my sister, who should have had my back, just made everything way worse._ I wanted to say that to him. I wanted his arm around me, encouraging me, giving me advice. But that wouldn't work.

So I forced my face into a smile. "Yeah, why?"

Cyrus didn't smile. He didn't say anything. He didn't even make eye contact. He seemed unnecessarily on edge. For a few moments, he rocked nervously on the balls of his feet

I opened my mouth to ask if _he_ was okay, but he started rambling. "Lookitdoesn'tmattertomebutIjustwantedtoknowifyouranawaybecauseyoulikemeorifyouranawaybecauseyoudon'tlikegaypeopleandI'mgaysoIjustwantedtoknow."

"What?" Living with Amber, I was usually at least able to pick out a couple of words of the nonsense. But I didn't get anything.

He took a deep breath and spoke quietly. "Look, it doesn't matter to me but I just wanted to know if you ran away because you like me or if you ran away because you don't like gay people and I'm gay so I just wanted to know."

He had said so much. There were so many things he needed reassurance of. But only one stuck in my head. _Cyrus was was gay._ I could hear Amber's _I-told-you-so_ echoing in my head, and Kate's smirk added another echo.

"You don't." I could hear the hurt in his voice, as he looked down at his shoes.

He sounded hurt. I may not be the smartest, but there was really only one reason for that. That's probably what prompted my to do what I did next.

"That's okay. I get it. I was stupid, you are so obviously straight. I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was-"

I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him to me, and without any more second thoughts, I slammed my lips against his. I could feel a warm swell in my chest, like fireworks were going off as I closed my eyes and slid my hands behind his neck, as his shock vanished and he melted in to me, pulling my closer by the front of my shirt, his lips responding eagerly and desperately, and it was absolutely _perfect_ , better, so much better than any of my kisses with Cerina.

After about a minute, we broke apart, breathing hard, neither of us wanting to move from the close proximity that we had settled in. "Thinking," Cyrus finished breathily.

"I thought he wasn't your boyfriend?" Kate's tone was jokey, and on the verge of bursting with excitement.

"He wasn't."

We all laughed. It honestly felt like nothing could ruin the moment. Pure elation, and relief, and love, and _acceptance_ fill the room. I wanted to take the moment, put it in a time capsule, and keep it forever. My first _real_ kiss. Until the voice spoke. The one that ruins everything, and makes your blood run cold. Cerina's voice.

"What the hell is going on here?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N-This chapter is definitely darker than the others, with a possible M rating. Maybe trigger warning? Anyway, proceed with more caution that before.**

Cyrus and I break apart.

"CPR?" I suggest hopefully.

"That fag doesn't deserve saving."

I inhale sharply, stepping between Cerina and Cyrus. "You can say whatever you want about me, but you can't say anything, and I mean _anything_ negative about my boy-Cyrus," I say, correcting myself at the last second. "Got it?"

"What did you just say?" Cerina's voice sounded curious, and mocking at the same time.

I opened my mouth, then closed it, over and over like a fish out of water, trying to figure out some way to explain myself. Her hands on her hips, impatient foot tapping, and the blazing fury in her eyes made it clear that she wasn't backing down. When I still couldn't answer, she took matters into her own hands.

"You were about to call him your boyfriend, weren't you?"

"Cerina, I-"

" _Weren't you?"_ Her voice was steely, no sign of relent. She was going to punish me anyway, I might as well make it easier for her.

"Yes." I keep my eyes trained on the ground, too afraid to look up.

"You know what? I'm running a little late to an interview right now. But I'm going to a party later, at Tom's. 452 Maple. Maybe you can come too, Tyler, and we can," she paused for effect here " _talk._ "

I risked a look at her face. Her words had seemed innocent enough, had given me false hope, faux relief. But her eyes held no mercy. Instead, they blazed with a pure hatred that seemed to radiate heat, forcing me to look away. There was no avoiding the truth:she had won.

"See you there."

And with that she left. Leaving a trail of destruction in her wake.

* * *

I knocked on Amber's bedroom door, hoping she would answer, hoping we could have a heart-to-heart talk. But she didn't answer. I opened the door, to find her room empty. A note sat on her desk. Working extra shifts at the spoon, it read. Be back around 10. Now, there was no escape.

* * *

I don't think it was possible to drive slower than I did getting to Tom's. I stayed below 3 mph the whole trip. But still, a mere 20 minutes later, the 1.5 mile drive was complete. I took my time parking and walking in, as if waiting would change anything, make Cerina be any kinder. If anything, waiting would make it worse. I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. _She_ opened the door.

 _Not her, please. Anyone but her. Where's Buffy when you need her?_

"Tyler! Great to see you!" She sounded so sweet, so perfect, you would have thought she meant it. But one look at her face showed the pure hatred, revoltion, and desire to make me pay. Boy, did she make me pay.

* * *

Almost as soon as we were inside, she pulled me off into a closet. It was small, but not too small, maybe 25 square feet. It didn't have a light switch, so we stood in pure blackness. She slammed her lips against mine, pushing me against the wall. Her hands slid from the back of my neck down my spine, and further. I shivered and tried to push her off, but she tightened her grip.

"Don't forget, you deserve this. Don't forget how horrible you were," she said as her hands slid under the waistband of my jeans. I shuddered, but didn't fight.

"Kiss my neck," she breathed. I complied. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out her joyful moans. _Positive times positive is positive. Negative times negative is negative. Negative times positive is negative._

* * *

I drove like a madman all the way home. It had taken 2 whole hours for her to let me leave.

 _Her lips closed around my cock_ _ **.**_ " _N-no. Please." She ignored me, and began to suck. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. I tried to hold back, but I couldn't. I shot it all into her mouth. She was pleased. I hated it._

It had started raining hard sometime during the party. I wasn't paying attention. Too busy reliving the memories.

 _She stood with her back to the wall. She was entirely naked, just like me, but there was one major difference: I hadn't gotten that way by choice. She had her hands on my lower back, pulling me towards her, into her. I tried one last time to fight it, but she pulled harder. My head went light and I gave in, sliding inside her._

The sound of thunder shook me out of the memory and a flash of lightning illuminated the dark streets. The outside world was menacing, just like her.

" _You know you want to," she had whispered breathily, between moans. I shook my head firmly. "Do it," she hissed, all traces of kidding gone. So I let loose inside of her._

I closed my eyes to rid myself of the memory. I didn't notice the red light. But what I did notice was the sound of the truck's horn and shattering glass as the car crunched in and the world went black.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N-So, I know I said that chapter 6 was the last chapter, but I changed my mind and decided to let T.J. live.**

The sun had exploded. That was the only reason for the light shining on me to be as bright as it was. The white light was blinding. I couldn't see anything. But I could hear hushed, excited whispers.

"He's awake!"

"He's still alive!"

"We have to check his vitals!"

"Can I have a minute with him first?" Cerina's voice rang out loud and echoed. The whispers cut off immediately.

I sat bolt upright. Black spots danced around the edge of my vision, but I could see, now that my eyes were out of the path of the fluorescent light. I glanced around, taking in my surroundings. I was in a hospital room, surrounded by personnel in masks and lab coats. And Cerina sat by my bed. The doctors nodded mutely and left us alone.

She opened her mouth, but I didn't let her talk.

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore. I'm sick of this. So just leave me alone."

She reeled back, shocked and furious. "You are making a horrible mistake, Tyler Kippen." She picked her jacket up from the table, shoving it on her body. "Horrible mistake!" she called over her shoulder as she stormed out of the room.

"Mr. Kippen?" A softer voice asked. A redheaded nurse stood in the doorway. I made eye contact. "You have another visitor. Should I let them in?"

 _Cyrus._ I thought. "Absolutely."

But Amber stepped through the doorway.

"T.J.! You're okay!"

"Yeah. How are you?"

"I'm great." There was a short, awkward pause.

"So, you ended things with Cerina?"

I grinned. "Yep. Now nothing stands between me and Cyrus having a cliche, perfect relationship. Because, I honestly don't think Iris will be a problem." I let out a short laugh.

Amber's face fell as soon as I said Cyrus' name. When she noticed me staring at her, she gave an obviously forced laugh.

"Amber?"

"Yes?" Her voice is hurried, and she is scanning the room with her eyes, as though looking for an escape.

"What's wrong?"

Her voice is panicked, and loud, she is obviously desperate to get away from the topic at hand. "You like cookie dough better than mint, right? Ice cream?"

Panic is starting to bloom in my chest. "It's the other way around. And why won't you talk about Cyrus?"

"They're both good, but I like Rocky Road better."

"AMBER!" By now, I'm yelling. I'm on my feet, though I don't remember standing. "Where's Cyrus? I want to see him! Let me see Cyrus!"

"T.J. Calm down." She removed a piece of folded up paper from her pocket. "This is from Cyrus."

I unfolded the paper hurriedly.

 _Not-so-scary-basketball-guy:_

 _I got a call in the middle of the night from the hospital. It was from your phone. Apparently I was your emergency contact. They said you had been in an awful car accident. So I called Amber and Cerina, because I figured you'd want them both there. Then I came myself. I sat with you for hours. You were on a path to being just fine, as soon as you woke up. And suddenly heart monitors started beeping and you stopped breathing. Your heart had crashed. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for the transplant surgery. Just so you know, I've loved you so much, and I can't imagine my life without you._

 _Love Always,_

 _Underdog_

 _(aka Cyrus Goodman)_

"If you can't let me see him, can I at least call him?" I asked Amber. "I need to let him how sweet the note was."

Tears dripped silently down Amber's cheeks. "Amber?"

"No."

"Why not?"

She made eye contact for half a second, then diverted her gaze. She took a deep breath, the kind you take before you deliver bad news. "Who do you think the heart donor was?"

It took me a second to realize what she meant. When I did, my insides went numb. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

 _Cyrus was dead._


End file.
